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Friday, September 24, 2010

Novelty Cereal Copy for MainStreet Sonoma & Mabel's Laundromat

Honey Hotties
Sugar turning your teeth into little brown stumps?
We think that’s sexy!
Plunge that moth-eaten mouth into Honey Hotties – a bee-sweet bowlful of downtown delight.
High-sucrose and low-fiber; but a real man doesn’t mind a little colonic irritation.
(And you’re a Real Man, aren’t you sweetie?)
Honey Hotties –because you’ll eat anything if you think you’ll get laid.

Cocoa Kinky Bursts
All tied up over breakfast? Flagellate your aching tastebuds with cocoa-powered badness. You’ve been very naughty, so you’ll eat every bite, no matter how you squirm. Don’t whine to me about your glycemic index – you’ll get a beating for sure. In fact, you’ll get a beating anyway, and you’ll like it too.
Cocoa Kinky Bursts – a hundred nasty thwacks in every box.

Frosty Bitch Flakes
The icy stare, the cold, uncaring glance
the occasional vicious verbal slight, or even outright laughter
keep him coming back for more
Rejection – the essence of attraction
Frosty Bitch Flakes
nourish your Inner Bitch
with the latest in high-carb nutrition
mood swings, anxiety, unpredictability
you are fascinating, unattainable, immune to reason.
He is lost.
(And that’s what you wanted, right?)

Frosty Bitch Flakes 2
She did it again, the little minx
stuck a fork right through your hand
she’s cute all right, but mean as a real mean snake.
She’s got your heart –and everything else, you poor emasculated wretch.
Give her a cereal that says you’d do it all over again
Frosty Bitch Flakes – because you eat them with a spoon.

Captivate him with accusations, selfishness and noisy hysterics.
Then take his every cent and sleep with his therapist.
Feed your sensitive soul with caffeine, nicotine, painkillers – and Frosty Bitch.
Soar to new heights of sucrose-driven mania
perfect for corporate takeovers—and take-no-prisoners divorce.
Frosty Bitch Flakes: because he really is a bastard and you deserve much better
(may cause headache, nausea and abdominal pain)

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